/beginrant
Wow. There's been a lot to think about these past few days. I figure I'm just being tested, and that's ok, but it still bugs me how some people get away with all this crap.This is supposed to be a land of opportunity, a place where everyone who wants to put forth an effort can make a difference in their own lives. Lately, however, things seem to not be so balanced. It feels like as long as you know someone, or say the things that people want to hear, that's all that matters. You can be a hard working, honest person, doing things you know you should, helping others, etc. and all you get is a good feeling at night. Use to be enough for most of us. Ethics seem to have gone out the window, however, and it makes those of us that do the right things get a real good shafting when it comes crunch time. I'd like to say many things, point out exactly what I'm talking about, try and help be the solution to these problems, but I'm not allowed to do that. That would be either A)hurtful to someone's feelings, B)Going outside of  the chain of things or C)I'd be ignored, like usual.

It frustrates me to no end knowing I could be making a difference, making things better all around, and I can't because I can't risk my family's security. I love coming home at night, getting to see my beautiful little boy and my lovely wife.... I have so much to be thankful for! When it's this much work to make myself get up and go, to leave them for the day to make those ends meet (or as close as I can), without wanting to stab myself in the ear to make this frustration and worry go away.... it really makes me stop and think about all these things. To be constantly exposed to this day after day, it really changes me as a person, and I don't like what it's been doing to me. I find myself becoming like those 'things' that I detest, but only when I'm forced to put up with the same crap all the time.

In short, I've been at wit's end for a while now, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let this get me, or hurt my family. I just wish I knew which way to take this.

/endrant

Have a great Christmas everyone. :)

Some good days this last weekend. My folks came up, and spent Saturday and part of Sunday with us. We got to go to Tuba Christmas! This is only the second year that it's been here in Ames, and it was pretty awesome. It was held in the church that we attend, First UMC, and the place was packed! I got some camera pictures, but nothing really good. Hopefulyl next year I'll get to play in the ensemble myself. I miss stuff like that, playing in bands and whatnot.

Jay was such a good little boy in church today! Kathy got to sing with the cantata at the 8:30 service, and then play in the bell choir at the later one. Jay, Mom and I went to the early one, and he was really well behaved, and even fell asleep for a bit while Mom was holding him. He's had a pretty big weekend, getting his Flu shot, seeing G&G Slater, and going out with us to various locations this weekend.

New things from daddy's perspective: Getting barfed on isn't so bad (yet) except when it's on my forehead. That one was kinda messy. Sometimes, all you need to do to feel right as rain, is poop! Laughter is really the best medicine, especially when it's Jay who is laughing. (it's really contagious!) Money isn't everything, but it sure sucks when you can't afford to get your little boy and wife much for Christmas.  All those times when I was little, when I didn't want to take a nap..... I really wish I could have those now. It's always good to see family, and to share in love and laughter, especially this time of year. I think I enjoy seeing our families more now that we have a little boy to share the joy with. :)