/beginrant
Wow. There's been a lot to think about these past few days. I figure I'm just being tested, and that's ok, but it still bugs me how some people get away with all this crap.This is supposed to be a land of opportunity, a place where everyone who wants to put forth an effort can make a difference in their own lives. Lately, however, things seem to not be so balanced. It feels like as long as you know someone, or say the things that people want to hear, that's all that matters. You can be a hard working, honest person, doing things you know you should, helping others, etc. and all you get is a good feeling at night. Use to be enough for most of us. Ethics seem to have gone out the window, however, and it makes those of us that do the right things get a real good shafting when it comes crunch time. I'd like to say many things, point out exactly what I'm talking about, try and help be the solution to these problems, but I'm not allowed to do that. That would be either A)hurtful to someone's feelings, B)Going outside of  the chain of things or C)I'd be ignored, like usual.

It frustrates me to no end knowing I could be making a difference, making things better all around, and I can't because I can't risk my family's security. I love coming home at night, getting to see my beautiful little boy and my lovely wife.... I have so much to be thankful for! When it's this much work to make myself get up and go, to leave them for the day to make those ends meet (or as close as I can), without wanting to stab myself in the ear to make this frustration and worry go away.... it really makes me stop and think about all these things. To be constantly exposed to this day after day, it really changes me as a person, and I don't like what it's been doing to me. I find myself becoming like those 'things' that I detest, but only when I'm forced to put up with the same crap all the time.

In short, I've been at wit's end for a while now, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let this get me, or hurt my family. I just wish I knew which way to take this.

/endrant

Have a great Christmas everyone. :)